As you may have noticed, I have not posted any blogs for the past few weeks. That is because my life has been so very busy, so busy that I have not even had time to think. I have been writing reminders to myself that I need to sit down and blog, but the notes just kept getting pushed to the next day, then the next day, and so on and on, and now it has turned into three weeks of no writing. Finally, after hearing a sermon and a Sunday school lesson about recognizing what God has called me to do and then actually doing it, I have finally made the time to sit and think about what I want to share.
Stress. This is my word for today. Last week when I got my hair cut, my hairdresser noticed that I had become quite a bit more white-headed since my last visit. Really? I first started getting white hairs years ago while potty-training one of my children, and my hairdresser at that time noticed and asked me what was going on in my life. I guess that when I get super stressed, white hairs start popping out of my frazzled head where my brain is living on overload. For years after discovering those first white hairs, I colored my hair. I wasn’t really aware of how stress affected my hair until I stopped coloring it, and then I found that the white was just there, coming along steadily. But apparently the stress of the past few months has made those white hairs start multiplying quickly again.
That stress has affected my life in other ways as well. Not only have I not blogged during the last few weeks, but I have had no time for counseling either, and that is not good for me right now in this time of my life. Without my regular counseling, I had lost the boundaries that were meant to protect me from exploitation, and as a result I felt as if I were losing myself. It is amazing how quickly I can go downhill. So exhausted, allowing myself to run ragged meeting the needs of others, I realized I needed to stop the running around. I needed to go to counseling, and I needed to get back to a normal life (whatever “normal” really means).
So, one of the first things I wanted and needed to do was to blog. Writing has helped me so much. While I have not really been able to talk with others about what is going on in my life, for some reason I can write about it. And my counselor has taught me that sharing my journey on my blog will help others like me, others who may feel weird or afraid or alone.
In Sunday school we studied about Nehemiah and the rebuilding of the wall in Jerusalem. Two things spoke to me. The first thing is found in Nehemiah 4:2b: “Can they bring these burnt stones back to life from the mounds of rubble?” (CSB). Sometimes I feel as if my insides are full of burnt stones that can never be more than just mounds of rubble. Can I ever be healed? Will I ever go back to an ordinary life again?
The second revelation was how often the word we is used in Chapter 4 of Nehemiah. The rebuilding of the city wall was a group effort; it was not something that could be done by any one person alone. As I keep on this white-haired, stressful journey to wholeness, I am thankful that I do not have to do it alone. I have a counselor, a loving and supportive family, a church family, and friends. They are willing to help me restore my life, pray with me, and stand by me as I rebuild the wholeness that I am working toward.
What about you? I hope and pray that you also have a support group that will help you on your journey to freedom and wholeness. If you don’t, please find some safe people who will stand by you and help you as the enemy comes against you. For there is an enemy who wants to burn up your life. But as believers we have the resources to rebuild our lives from the rubble that he has strewn all around inside us. Friend, I am on your side, I understand what you are going through, and I am praying for you right now.
Blessings – Lisa