Ugly was a very difficult foe to eject from my life. God showed me great truths that I could embrace as I fought him, including making a list of what I liked about myself. As I worked on this list, I realized that there really were some things that I could appreciate about how God had formed me. One of those things that I liked about myself was my hair– my prematurely white hair– and I chose not to color it. For some reason, that choice became very important to me and, in fact, I believed that my white hair was something I should be proud of.
My white hair reminded me of someone whom I had loved dearly and who had loved me dearly, too–my grandmother. My grandmother had had pretty white hair, and now God was giving me that same gift. I had always felt loved and accepted by her. As I battled Ugly, I needed more reassurance that I was beloved not only by God but also by the people close to me. God answered that need in a dramatic way through a friend of mine who made a comment to me that changed my life.
Only my counselor knew that I was struggling with this issue, reminding myself every day that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. After a particularly good counseling session in which we had prayed about getting rid of Ugly, I left to see this friend. Her daughter was studying cosmetology, and I had made an appointment for her to cut my hair while I visited my friend at her house. After the haircut, my friend looked at me and said, “You look so pretty.” She paused, and then she added, “You know you are just so pretty on the inside already.” Wow! I just wanted to weep and weep. God had answered my prayer in just two short hours.
Now that may seem like a trivial thing to some people, but it was huge for me. Someone loved me and thought I was pretty. I felt God wrapping His arms around me and just giving me a bear hug. When I got home, I immediately wrote about the experience in my journal. I wanted to have a record of how much my God loves me. Ugly was finally beginning to fade in my life. He was a liar and now I had evidence to throw in his face.
Oh, friend, God wants to encourage you, too, in your healing walk away from the damage caused by your sexual trauma and toward a life of wholeness. Cry out to Him and He will show you His love in tangible ways. You must believe His Word when He says in Romans 8:38-39, “For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (NAS).
Let me add to that list: Neither Dumb, Stupid, and Ugly, nor those who had hurt me when I was little, nor the mistakes I have made in acting out in response to my abuse, none of these things can separate me from the love of God. What do you need to add to this list? Dear one, write it out. Write out all the things that you believe might keep His love from you and believe instead that NOTHING can separate you from God’s love. Ask Him today to show you, and He will. Believe it, and bask in His love for you.
Blessings – Lisa