Dumb – Who is He?

Dumb, Stupid, and Ugly. This trio of accusers plagued me for many years of my life, and every aspect of my being passed through their filters. They were so real to me that I named them with capital letters and thought of them as three distinct, living beings. And each one tortured me in his own way.

But what is the difference between Dumb and Stupid? In my long relationships with Dumb, Stupid, and Ugly, the distinctions were subtle but real. Stupid had to do with intellect, but Dumb had to do with my words and actions. Whenever I messed up, whenever I was not perfect, whenever I said something off-the-wall or tripped over my own feet, Dumb appeared. Dumb was right there to accuse me.

Until I started going to counseling, I did not realize just how much Dumb was a part of my life. Dumb would whisper in my ear, “How could you have said THAT?” or, “Why did you do THAT?” Memories of certain situations where I had acted or sounded dumb haunted me constantly. While I was driving, taking a shower, cooking supper, cleaning house – you name the place – my mind would accuse me, reminding me of the dumb thing I had said or how dumb I must have looked.

I would say to myself, “I acted so dumb…,” but then, instead of thinking that I was saying and doing dumb things, I regressed to the point that I believed that I was dumb! I actually became dumb and walked around believing that I could not do anything right. I never gave myself permission to make mistakes, because mistakes were the evidence that Dumb needed to beat me down over and over.

So, as I began to wrestle with Dumb and try to extract him from my life, our battle became more intense. He kept whispering in my ear, and I heard his voice constantly. Sometimes when I was driving the thoughts would come to me and I would literally yell at them to stop. Years and years of Dumb’s evidence began to pour upon me. He did not want to let me go, so he began fighting for his place in my life.

This was a terrible time on my journey to wholeness. The only thing that kept me from going insane was going to counseling and reading God’s Word.

Next week I will share a little more about how I dealt with Dumb but until then, if you have someone or something in your life who, like Dumb, wants you to fail and wants to ruin your life, find help to get them out of your life!

Blessings – Lisa


Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

Dumb, Stupid, and Ugly, the rulers of my life for a countless number of years, had taken up residence in my life to destroy me. My depression was growing deeper and I realized that I needed help. My first assignment when I started going to counseling was to find a verse to write every day, to remind me how God had protected me from myself and how much He had loved me during all those years.

The verse that I chose was, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well” (Psalm 139:14 NIV). God made me the way that I am. He knows me inside and out. And He still loves me, no matter what. That knowledge is what kept me going through my most difficult days.

Day after day, week after week, month after month, I wrote these words in my journal. I added other verses later, but Psalm 139:14 is the verse that sustained me. How marvelous is the God that I love and serve!

My friend, let me encourage you today with this same eternal Truth. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and God loves you and wants to protect you from whatever it is in your life that threatens you. You, too, can be free from whatever has taken up residence in your life to destroy you.

Start today. Find the verse that God has for you, and write it every day until you truly believe it with your whole heart. He made you. He loves you just the way you are, no matter what.

Blessings – Lisa

Dumb, Stupid, and Ugly

I am not really sure where or when Dumb, Stupid, and Ugly became part of my life, but at some point that insidious trio took up residence inside me. And the older I got, the stronger their influence over my life and my self-image became. I remember being fairly happy as a child, but somehow I always felt different or weird as my family and I moved from place to place. Gradually, I became Dumb, Stupid, and Ugly.

I am absolutely sure, however, where and when God became part of my life. I became a Christian at the age of 8, and my relationship with Christ has never wavered over the years. Even though I have had ups and downs along the journey, I have never, ever doubted my salvation experience.

Dumb, Stupid, and Ugly wanted to destroy me, but God wanted to give me abundant life. My question, then, is this: “How did God and His Spirit live within me all those years while, at the same time, that menacing trio was also living inside me?”

As I reflected and pondered that question, I came to the conclusion that, if God’s presence had not been with me, Dumb, Stupid, and Ugly would have totally destroyed my life long ago. There were many times that I contemplated hurting myself or just ending my life altogether, but I never acted on the impulse. I believe with my whole heart that God’s presence protected me and stopped me from acting out their sinister thoughts and desires for my life.

Have you ever felt that way? What “personas” in your life taunt and mock you? That trio still tries to influence my life today but now that I am aware of their existence and plan for my life I ask God again and again to protect me from their lies.  He will help you too!

Blessings – Lisa



The Monster has been Banished

Pain, what does a person need to do with deep emotional pain? The pain in my life needed to be dealt with or I was going to sink into a pit that I would never be able to climb out of.  I realized that I could not get better by myself. Counseling was my first action and then I had to find some friends to share my story with. But, at the same time, I did not want anybody to know what was going on in my life. Oh, how difficult that was! I did not want to feel the pain and horror of my past. I still did not want to think about it. The pain had become some kind of horrible monster that I felt would defeat me.

But then I had to rest in the truth, and the truth is this: “I am free from any condemning charges against me.” Pain, that monster, cannot condemn or harm me ever again. Romans 8:31 says it this way: “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (NIV)

During this time, I started reading L.M. Montgomery’s Anne of Green Gables novels, and in Anne’s House of Dreams God showed me a great truth.

Taking it all out seems to have done away with it, somehow. It’s very strange – and I thought it so real and bitter. It’s like opening the door of a dark room to show some hideous creature you’ve believed to be there – and when the light streams in your monster turns out to have been just a shadow, vanishing when the light comes. It will never be between us again.

Oh, how that spoke to me. That pain, that monster that I had feared for years and years and stuffed away inside me became just a shadow when God’s Light shone forth to conquer it for all time.

My friend, you, too, can have that peace of mind. If you are experiencing pain in your heart as I did, let God’s Light and Truth shine in your heart and turn that monster of pain into nothing but a shadow. Maybe someday we could meet somewhere and be able to say, “Our pain will never be between us again.”

Blessings – Lisa






I have not shared anything in a long while but for some reason I just couldn’t make myself write. Once I got the blog up and running I felt afraid to actually write something! After more counseling and more healing I think I can start sharing. So here it goes!

Pain – no one likes to deal with it and I am no exception. People use food, drugs, alcohol, recreation, or whatever else to numb the pain in their lives. The way that I numbed the pain was by forgetting it ever happened. The abused child in me chose to forget the memory of my molestation completely and stuffed it away into the farthest corner of my being. I lived for years and years with all that pain locked up inside me. What I did not realize at the time, though, was that the pain had taken command of my life in so many ways. The pain had a life of its own, and it wanted to come out into the open and confront me. The pain dared me to meet it face-to-face. Instead, I stuffed it away again and numbed myself to any and all feelings.

But the pain continued to affect my marriage and the rearing of my children. It nurtured my choosing some harmful codependent relationships. It made me try to be perfect in my housekeeping, as well as in everything that I did. I had to do, do, do all the time, because if I stopped doing then the pain might resurface and I would have to deal with it. The pain effectively became a living creature inside me, a monster with its own life and its own agenda. It wanted to kill me. Eventually, my life became a train wreck and I entered a deep depression.

For me, that depression was my wake-up call that I needed help. And I started going to counseling. I am so glad that I did!

I think this is a good place to stop. I could probably write for hours upon hours but instead I am going to stop and pick up my story next time I blog. The thought that I want to leave with you is this, if you are in pain, do not numb it because it will find a way to live a life of its own. Work through it. Get help. Share with a trusted friend or counselor.

Blessings – Lisa