Last week I shared with you about my victory when I was made new by God after I missed an important trip with my husband because I felt unlovable. God gave me the promises of being new, cherished, loved, acceptable, and worthy. I wanted and needed to cling to those promises as I dealt with a new phase in my healing process, but the enemy would not give me up so easily.
The next day—and I mean the very next day after my spiritual high—I started feeling bad again. The enemy reminded me of all the other times that I had ruined trips or other opportunities to spend time with my husband. The battle raged all day, but I kept reminding myself of those three fundamental truths that I had written over and over again in my journal: I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I am complete in Christ, and I will one day be perfected as His good work. At the end of that day, I went to bed exhausted, and that was when the enemy came at me again in a different way.
That night I had nightmares. I rarely remember my dreams, except for the bad ones, and before that night I had not recalled a dream in a long time. But that night was different. Even now I have vivid, disturbing memories of those nightmares. I dreamed of being raped and then not believed, I dreamed of being chased by people who were out to get me, I dreamed that others were trying to hurt me. Suddenly I was thrashing about in dark, murky waters, struggling to keep my head above water. It was horrible.
My past, that I had repressed and denied for so long, wanted to come forth and condemn me. The enemy wanted me to believe that I still deserved to suffer, even though God have given me His promises, and that I would never be a whole person again. He wanted me to believe that I would never be able to enjoy traveling with my husband. Once more, I asked God for a verse, for reassurance from His Word to help me combat this new attack. And it came from Romans 8:1-2, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death” (NAS).
Do you see that? “There is therefore now no condemnation.” Even when my dreams were trying to defeat me and cause me to lose hope, Christ Jesus is bigger than that assault. He can set me free from eternal death. Surely He can also set me free from what was done to me in the past. Surely He can do that. Yes, He can. And I am going to choose to believe it today. I know that I still have a journey filled with battles ahead of me, but I choose to believe that I can overcome those obstacles, too.
Has the enemy been trying to convince you that you are no good? Does he remind you of your mistakes and hurts from the past to try to build his case against you? Well, good news! There is no condemnation against you if you are in Christ Jesus. The enemy may try to attack you in your dreams as he tried to attack me, but we are not going to allow him to win even there. He is not going to win this battle because we are free, free in Christ, and we are going to walk with hope. It is hard, but it can be done. Believe, and be free.
Blessings – Lisa