Category Archives: Counseling

An Inspiring Word of Hope

Posted on by under Counseling, Hope, Uncategorized

I survived sharing about my deepest hurt and sharpest pain! My counselor gave me a new assignment, to deal with the truth of my situation. And here is that truth: My husband is not my abuser. Every day I wrote that statement in my journal. Every day I meditated on the fact that my husband is not the person who had inflicted great pain on my mind, body, and soul. Then, the next week, I added another truth to my arsenal against the enemy who wants to defeat me. Like the first one, this new truth was critical to my healing. My husband loves me very much. During the following weeks, these two truths became imbedded into my heart and consciousness.

Whenever I sensed the approach of negative feelings about sex, I remembered these truths. Over and over, these two truths had to be written and rewritten in my journal. How strange that something that had happened to me when I was six years old could dictate how my body would react to my husband over fifty years later. Like all my other battles, the battle over my sexual issues has always been about truth. I needed to rewire my emotions. The devil is the father of lies, and his lies had filled my mind long enough. I decided to walk in the truth.

When I was finally able to confront my sexual problems, God gave me scripture from the book of Jeremiah. Jeremiah 1:4-5 says, “Now the word of the LORD came to me saying, ‘Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I have appointed you a prophet to the nations’” (NAS). God reassured me that He has known me since before time began and that I am special to Him. He has consecrated my life to His Purpose and His Plan. As I write these blogs, I see that He has also appointed me a prophet to the nations, a voice for those who may need these words to find hope and comfort in Him during their journeys to wholeness.

Jeremiah 1:6-7 continues, “Then I said, ‘Alas, LORD GOD! Behold, I do not know how to speak, because I am a youth.’ But the LORD said to me, ‘Do not say, “I am a youth,” because everywhere I send you, you shall go, and all that I command you, you shall speak.’” Jeremiah was making an excuse. My excuse—my fear—was that facing my sexual issues with my husband was going to hurt more than I could bear. I was afraid that I would never be able to change, that I would never be restored. That fear had followed me for months.

But God responds to my fear in verses 8-10:

“Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you,” declares the LORD. Then         the LORD stretched out His hand and touched my mouth, and the LORD said to me,          “Behold, I have put My word in your mouth. See, I have appointed you this day over           the nation and over the kingdoms, to pluck up and to break down, to destroy and to           overthrow, to build and to plant.”

God tells me not to be afraid of the feelings and emotions that I have to work through, for He will deliver me from my bondage and pain. He encourages me and assures me that I will “pluck up and break down, destroy and overthrow, and build and plant.” What an inspiring word of hope! I know I must cling to those words, because all those actions take time. Those actions also take diligence and a plan. But I am ready to move forward and taste the fruit that will one day be ripe for the picking.

What about you? Are there lies in your life that need to be replaced with the truth? Are you willing to believe that all that has happened to you has been consecrated by God so that you can do a work in His Kingdom? Do you believe that one day those wicked things in your life and mine, whatever they may be, will be broken down, destroyed, rebuilt, and planted anew? Oh, let us believe! Let’s get that plan together and move forward to bask in God’s love for us. I can taste that fruit now.

Blessings – Lisa

Hope, Not Shame: A Cherished Promise from God.

Posted on by under Counseling, Hope, Uncategorized

So far in these posts, I have not yet shared about the deepest hurt and sharpest pain that I have endured due to my being molested as a child. This particular wound has been the hardest one for me to face and discuss. It has to do with the subject of sex. Just writing that last sentence was painful for me. In today’s society, sex is commonplace, but for me it is hard even just to say the word sex.

But it hasn’t always been that way. When my husband and I were newlyweds, we seemed to have a normal marriage, healthy in all aspects. I cannot really tell you when the changes in our intimate life began, except that I remember starting to have problems at about the time that our son reached puberty. The timing makes sense to me now, since my molestation had come at the hands of teenage boys. Back then, though, when those memories were still stuffed away in my subconscious, I did not know why our sex life had suddenly become a problem.

In counseling, I have learned that women who are molested as children generally follow one of two paths as a result. Some victims become sexually promiscuous. Others go in the opposite direction and hate sex. Of course, this is an oversimplification, but you get the picture.

I chose the latter path. When I heard other married women talk about their husbands in glowing terms, I only thought about how much I hated to be touched. Going away on a romantic weekend was not my idea of a good time. These irrational feelings only made me believe even more that I was weird or that something was wrong with me. I hated to watch love scenes in movies, explicit or implied. I especially could not watch a movie that involved rape or the sexual degradation of women. I began to dress inside my closet so that my husband would not see me without clothes. Sex became torture for me. I gritted my teeth and felt actual physical pain. I cried out to God, but continued to spiral into deeper and deeper depression.

When my husband and I tried to talk about this issue I always came away feeling worse about myself than ever before. All the things he shared with me were true. He said I “should” want to be with him. I “ought” to feel the way a wife is supposed to feel. I knew all those things in my mind, but my body just would not cooperate. It really is a miracle that my husband stayed with me through all those years—a miracle, but also a great testimony of his love for me and his commitment to our marriage.

I began to derive my love and acceptance from my children instead of my husband, because my children didn’t demand any physical love from me. I turned the love that I should have had for my husband toward them. I knew that this was wrong and that I should love my husband first, but the sexual issues were too hard to overcome. My sexual problems multiplied ten times over when our daughter first started dating. I felt that I was in a pit of despair and found myself with no hope.

Then I found a counselor who helped me believe that there was hope for me. Oh, how I wanted to believe that I could be “normal” when it comes to sex. And the journey to wholeness began. Little did I know that I would have to confront dumb, stupid, ugly, unforgiveness, bitterness, and all the other pains and heartaches that I encountered along the way before I could actually start dealing with the issue of sex. Each victory over those other problems gave me strength and courage to believe that this struggle, too, would have a good outcome, and gave me hope in my future with my husband. I really could be the woman God created me to be.

Joel 2:12-13 says, ‘Return to Me with all your heart, and with fasting, weeping and mourning; and rend your heart and […] return to the LORD your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in lovingkindness and relenting of evil” (NASB).

I knew that now was the time to give myself wholly to my healing, because it involved more than just me. Only then could I claim the promise found in verses 23-25:

     So rejoice, O sons of Zion, and be glad in the LORD you God for He has given you the              early rain for your vindication. And He has poured down for you the rain, the early and        latter rain as before. The threshing floors will be full of grain, and the vats will overflow      with the new wine and oil. Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming          locust has eaten, the creeping locust, the stripping locust, and gnawing locust.

But the most cherished promise of all is given in verse 26: “Then My people (including me!) will never be put to shame.” I have hope that all the years that were stripped from me will be made new and I will never again have shame!

I am ready to face this new challenge. Come with me, Friend, and He can do it for you, too.

Blessings – Lisa

From A Black Maze to A Place of Contentment

Posted on by under Counseling, Fear, Hope, Uncategorized

At a certain point in my counseling, I realized that I had “hit a wall” in my healing process. There was a blackness in my mind that I could not penetrate, and I felt as if some hidden thing lurking inside me was holding me in bondage. I was right on the edge of working through this obstacle, but I just could not get through the black maze. Memories were trapped there in the blackness.

My counselor advised me to create a “safe place” to which I could retreat when the time finally came that I did penetrate that blackness and begin to drive it away, a place in my mind where I could rest whenever my emotions or thoughts became too upsetting or too hard to handle. This exercise also included choosing a name for my safe place. I chose the name Contentment. According to the dictionary, contentment is the state of being contented, and contented means feeling satisfaction with one’s possessions, status, or situation. Contentment is a feeling of calm satisfaction.

On the very day that I created my place of Contentment, after I left my counseling session, my new feeling of calm satisfaction was put to the test. When I got home, I realized that one of my pet cats was missing. You may remember that God had sent me two cats that had become sources of real joy to me, so to find that one of them was gone made me very sad. As I sat and meditated about the situation, I realized that my accustomed response to this type of challenge would have been extreme sadness accompanied by weeping and deep depression.

However, this time I felt different. I felt sad, but there was also a calmness about me. I felt contentment in the situation because my sadness was not controlling my life. I knew that I could move on and not be defeated by my extreme emotions. Some people may not consider this to be a very important thing, but to me it was a huge accomplishment. It was a great victory in my life. And I knew that my winning these battles in the small things would prepare me for the larger battles along my path to healing.

As the week progressed, I used my new place of Contentment to deal with other stressful situations, including a confrontational encounter with a difficult person. God used these opportunities to build my confidence.

In Psalm 27:1-4 He says, “The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid? When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident” (NIV).

I may have that blackness in my mind for now, but God is the light that will shine through it. I will not fear. The Lord will be my stronghold and help me advance toward healing and wholeness. I will not be afraid. Even though emotions and bad memories try to ruin my life, attack me, and beat me down, I will be confident. God has helped me with the small battles so that I can win the big ones.

Verses 5-6 tell me, “For in the day of trouble He will keep me safe in his dwelling; He will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.” Oh what joy to be safe in His dwelling and to be on a rock, not hidden in a cave somewhere cowering from the enemy! I can declare with the Psalmist what is written in verses 13-14: “I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Yes! I am confident that goodness will come out of all that I have experienced and all that I will experience in the future. But for now I must wait. I will be strong and I will wait.

Is there some difficult thing in your future that holds the key to your healing? Do you, too, need to find a safe place? What is the word that God has just for you? Rest in this assurance: God wants to keep you safe in your day of trouble. You are a victor, and God wants to set you high on a rock for all to see. Have confidence and wait on Him. Wait, and be strong.

Blessings – Lisa

The Truth About Me

Posted on by under Counseling, Hope, Uncategorized

When I first started counseling, my counselor warned me that I might experience fits of rage at times during the healing process. For years, I had repressed my anger about what had been done to me as a child, trapping it deep inside me, and it was bound to come out sooner or later. Finally, one day, my anger did come out, all because of one little word: disappointed.

Someone dear to me told me he was disappointed about something, and I felt responsible for that disappointment. But then I subconsciously twisted his words and interpreted them to mean that I was a disappointment to him. Not that I had caused disappointment, but that I was a disappointment. I took that word disappointed to heart: beyond reason, I believed that I was a disappointment to this one whom I loved.

I just went to pieces. My rage surfaced, and I reacted as I had never reacted to anything before. I screamed. I threw pillows and tore the sheets off the bed. I wept and cried loudly. My husband—the one whom I had disappointed—was there in the room with me. I had always done my crying alone, in private, but not this time. It was horrible. The rage had come because I did not want to be a disappointment, especially to my beloved husband.

I did not want to be stuck in the mire of my past. I had worked so hard at my counseling sessions and overcome so many obstacles, but here I was allowing a word like disappointed to defeat me. Oh God, will I ever measure up? Will I ever be someone worthy? My mind kept telling me that, no, I would never be anything but a disappointment. So I just curled up on the couch and tried to disappear. Thankfully, my husband found me and assured me that I was not a disappointment and that everything would be okay.

I went to the dictionary and looked up antonyms for the word disappointment and found the words boost, comfort, happiness, help, miracle, pleasure, relief, success, and wonder. And I remembered what I had learned in counseling, about asking myself, “What is the truth? What is the truth about me?” The Truth in God’s Word tells me that, yes, I will make mistakes and, yes, I will disappoint others but, to my God, I am never a disappointment.

I am not a disappointment! I am the opposite of a disappointment because I can boost other people around me, comfort those who are hurting and sad, bring happiness into the life of my family, help those who are needy, bring pleasure to God, bring relief to one who is distraught, succeed as a person of worth, and of course I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am a miracle. I may disappoint, but I am not a disappointment.

Psalms 147:3-5, 10-11 says,

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. Great is our LORD and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit. His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man; the LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love (NIV).

That’s me! He heals my broken heart. He knows each star by name, so surely He cares deeply about me. He is mighty in power. I put my hope in His unfailing love, so He delights in me. Oh, how I needed to hear that, to claim the comfort of His Word as I rejected the idea that I was a disappointment.

What about you? Do you feel like a disappointment? If you are a child of God, and put your trust in Him, then the truth is just the opposite. You are not a disappointment to God. He delights in you, and He wants to heal your broken heart and bind up your wounds. So put your trust in His unfailing love today. Remember, we may disappoint, but we are never disappointments. We are precious and loved. Dwell on that truth today. Believe it and walk in victory!

Blessings – Lisa

Someone To Run To In Times Of Stress

Posted on by under Counseling, Hope, Uncategorized

In times of stress, I used to run away from reality, to a place in my mind where a certain imaginary person lived. This imaginary person was smart and pretty and talented, the kind of woman I wanted to be. She had exciting adventures and the freedom and self-confidence to come and go as she pleased. She was a version of “me” that I had created as an escape from my fears and troubles.

The problem with this woman, though, was that she was never the hero but always a victim. Whenever I visited her in my mind, she suffered some terrible physical trauma, a different pain-filled scenario each time. How strange that this person would get hurt over and over again, never finding peace and rest. She was my creation, but I had made her vulnerable and victimized rather than strong and victorious. Why would I continually run to this person and dwell on hurtful things? Was this “me” the embodiment of how I pictured myself, as a woman who deserved evil instead of good?

Before I started counseling, during my most depressing days, I often longed to go to bed early or to stretch out on the couch just so that I could go to the place in my mind where I could find this woman, this woman who was so real to me. With counseling, though, I retreated to this place in my mind less and less, almost to the point of forgetfulness. I no longer needed this place, so it was no longer real to me.

Then one day something happened to upset me, and in reaction I fled to this place and this person in my mind. And it was almost as if I were seeing them for the first time. I had forgotten about them, but here I was returning to them in my time of despair. What a shock! I knew that this was not what I wanted in my life. I was alarmed to think that what I had been experiencing might not even be normal. I was so confused.

Then God in His awesomeness gave me a clear picture of my predicament. He used one of my favorite movies, The Two Towers from The Lord of the Rings trilogy, and the character Sméagol/Gollum to illustrate what had been going on in my life. As Sméagol/Gollum waged war with himself, battling to determine whether the good personality or the evil personality would prevail, I recognized that the same sort of battle had been going on inside of me for years. It was a vivid image. In one scene, “good” Sméagol triumphed over his bitter nemesis, and his freedom was joyous. But in a later scene, when Sméagol/Gollum perceived that he had been hurt by a friend, the “evil” Gollum supplanted tender Sméagol. According to Gollum, he—and not Sméagol—had been right all along.

That had happened to me! I had been doing so well with counseling, having victories left and right until—Bam!—a bump in the road. I had experienced an emotional trauma, and I had gone running back to that other “me” in my mind. I had gone running back to bondage and hurt, where there was no peace and no rest. Why would I do that? Perhaps I did it because it was what I had always done. But finally, I saw that this was not good and not right for my life. But what was I to do? Oh, God, help me!

Once again God came to my rescue. He spoke to me through the words of a song on the radio. The song talked about how the very air I breathe is what it feels like to have God’s presence living inside of me, and how desperate and lost I would be without this presence. I realized that the other “me” was not who really lived inside of me.

Now, the other, very real person living in my life is the Holy Spirit, and He wants only good things for me. And I am lost without Him. Now, when bad things happen, I can run to Him.

How about you? People have hurt us and violated our lives, but we can run to the One Who loves us so much. Let’s do that today. Come with me. Let us find rest and peace in Him alone.

2 Corinthians 3:17 says it best: “Now the LORD is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the LORD is, there is liberty (emancipation from bondage, freedom)” (Amplified). Only after we realize and believe that the Spirit is within us will we be truly free. Then, our freedom will be joyous!

Blessings – Lisa

Relapse – But Wait, I Can Overcome!

Posted on by under Counseling, Forgiveness, Uncategorized

There is one topic that I had hoped never to have to write about: relapse. I have had such victories in my life, and I have been reminded of them as I write these posts. These personal revelations have been such a testimony of what God is doing in my life! I have come so far. Dumb, Stupid, and Ugly have been laid to rest, I have worked through many fears and phobias, and I have really dealt with issues of forgiveness and bitterness. But this week, I suffered a relapse along my path to healing and health. Life was cruising along, and then it happened: a relapse.

As I have mentioned in previous accounts, I have had to forgive some people for some hurtful situations in my life and in the lives of my loved ones. I have written letters to the offenders, dated the letters, and filed them in a place where I could be reminded that I had let go of that situation and, so, laid it to rest. At least, that is what I thought I had done. But God knows our hearts. He is always working on us so that we can be approved, tried, and tested, so that one day we can stand before Him and say that we have finished our course and finished it well.

Well, one particular situation—one particular person—that I thought I had given completely to God and that I would never have to face again suddenly reappeared in my life. (How easy it is to forgive someone, knowing that he is out of your life and out of your hands.) But one day, out of the blue and entirely unexpected, a person I had forgiven and put away slipped back into my life. Let’s just say my reaction to the news was horrible.

I relapsed into a former emotional state immediately. I started crying uncontrollably, feeling those old feelings of hurt and anger. Bad feelings overwhelmed me. But wait a minute. Hadn’t I already forgiven and moved on? What was happening? Had I really forgiven? I just kept beating myself up. A situation that I had written about only weeks earlier was now crashing mercilessly around me. What was happening?

I was so out of whack that I stopped and called my counselor for help. She reminded me about what I had written on this topic, and she reminded me that the enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy. I had fallen for the enemy’s tactic again. But this time I was not going to stay under his control. I would remember the Truth. I would go to the same Scriptures that I had leaned on before.

The Truth is this: Yes, I had forgiven, but now I needed to make the choice to forgive again. I had to give the situation to God again and continue to believe all the promises that He had been showing me. I must rest in Him again and always.

God spoke to me through the next Sunday’s sermon, a lesson about having victories in our lives and finishing the job God had given us to do. 1 John 5:4 says this: “For whatever is born of God overcomes the world; and this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith” (NAS). Our victory comes not from what we say but from what we do. It comes from finishing the race. According to Revelation 21:7, “He who overcomes shall inherit these things, and I will be his God and he will be my son” (NAS). Every day God tests me and tries me so that I can be true, so that I can inherit all the things that He has promised. So I must walk one day at a time with my forgiveness and bitterness, and I must be diligent so that I can be an overcomer.

Have you had a relapse into a former state of mind and spirit? Have you fallen or slipped? Stop now! Confess it to God, recall the past victories, move forward daily, forgive, pray for your enemies, read the Scriptures, and pray for strength to be an overcomer. I messed up this week. It happens, but I want to be an overcomer. Do you? If so, then let’s cry, weep if we must, get over it, and move on. God is waiting to give you your inheritance and to say, “Well done, good and faithful servant. You finished the job well.”

Blessings – Lisa

Peace Of Mind, Even In Stressful Situations

Posted on by under Counseling, Fear, Happy Thoughts, Uncategorized

Mother knows best. My mother taught me that there are some things in life that have to be done annually. Every year I get my teeth cleaned and my eyes checked. And I have taught my children—and my husband—to do the same thing, too. I read somewhere that having all these annual appointments during the same month of the year, your birthday month, allows you always to know when to go. So when your children are grown and on their own, they can always remember when to get their teeth cleaned and their eyes checked.

For me, of course, these annual appointments also include the dreaded obstetrical appointment. Every year, during my birthday month, I go for my annual exam. Like many women, I really despise my yearly checkup. Then, as I got older, the annual mammogram was thrown into the mix. I have never been able to make myself self-examine my breasts, probably because of residual effects of my abuse. I have read about the benefits of doing monthly self-exams, and I know in theory how to do them, but I just cannot.

At some point, I became aware that my stress level during this month of annual doctors’ visits was increasing. In particular, I realized that as the doctors’ appointments approached I would start binge-eating and often gain several pounds just in time for my annual weigh-in. Over the course of several years, I discovered that my weight-gains followed a cycle. The anticipation of my annual physical was so traumatic for me that I would just go to pieces over it. I had friends go with me for support, and for a while I stopped getting mammograms altogether.

Then I started going to counseling. When the time came for me to schedule my yearly appointments, I really wanted things to be different. I did not want to binge or have a breakdown. I wanted to be calm and peaceful. I hated that my birthday month had become an unhappy time every year. So I brought up my problem to my counselor and she reminded me (again) that my abuse was something awful that had been done to me and not something that I had brought onto myself. She also reminded me that these annual doctors’ visits benefit my health, not only for my sake but for my husband’s and children’s sakes as well.

About a week before my annual checkup, my counselor taught me a “safe place” relaxation technique. As I went into my appointment, I was to go to my safe place and relax. I was actually excited about the prospect of going to the obstetrician, using my new relaxation skill, and then reporting back the next week during counseling. I am here to tell you that God worked in a mighty way! My exam went great, the best ever! And the next thing I knew, I was even through with my mammogram. It was unbelievable that I got through both appointments in only two hours. It happened so fast that I just sat in my car afterwards, stunned and in awe of God’s goodness and timing. These annual checkups that had caused me so much anguish for so many years had just flown by.

So, I am here to encourage you today. Do you struggle with this same issue? Do you need peace of mind? John 14:27 says, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (NIV). God can give you peace of mind, and God will give you peace of mind. You just have to remember, as I have to remember, that although something evil was done to us we can move past that and not let it influence our lives today. Grab God’s hand, go with Him to that safe place, and enjoy peace of mind.

Blessings – Lisa

I Needed Some Answers, And I Found Some!

Posted on by under Counseling, Fear, Uncategorized

Grocery shopping—going solo—became the focus of my counseling sessions. Somehow my fear of the grocery store was tied to my abusive childhood, and I knew I needed answers. My memories of that time were just bits and pieces, but they all involved the family that lived next door to us. The house next door, that horrible place where hurtful things had happened to me, was at the core of my phobia. But all I could remember was that my mother had dropped me off with the neighbors because my brother was terribly sick and had to go to the hospital.

My counselor suggested that I find old photos of myself, taken around the time that the abuse happened. I was able to find two pictures; I liked one but I hated the other. The photo of the younger me was cute, but the picture of the older me gave me strange, disquieting feelings. My counselor also wanted me to sketch whatever I could remember from that time period that pertained to the grocery store. It took me a week, but finally I was able to draw a couple of pictures. One drawing depicted a happy mom (my mom) and a smiling baby (my brother?) having a fun outing in the produce section of a bright, colorful grocery store. But the other drawing showed only a sad little girl (me) crying in the parking lot outside the store. I decided to visit my mother so that maybe she could shed some light on what those sketches really meant.

I made a weekend trip to my mom’s, hoping for an explanation of this mystery. I was very surprised by what she told me. She told me that my two drawings probably represented memories from our two different homes while we lived in that city. While we lived in the first home, my mom babysat, and one of our favorite pastimes was grocery shopping, especially in the produce department. That explained my cheerful, happy drawing. However, after we moved to our second home, next-door to the house where my molestation took place, my mom would occasionally drop me off with the neighbors for a play-date while she ran errands. I was dumbfounded. All my life, I thought Mom had left me next-door because of an emergency, not for a play-date. The little girl in me must have made up the story about why my mother had left me with the neighbors because it was the only way I could cope with the trauma of what had happened to me there. As it turns out, the neighbors would also take me to the grocery store while I was in their care. No happy memories there.

My weekend with Mom, discovering the errors and filling the gaps of some of my memories, was a very emotional time for both of us. She never knew about the abuse while it was going on, but she shared with me that weekend that she soon stopped taking me next-door for visits because she started having some vaguely bad feelings about the family. And then we moved to a new house in a new city. That is where my childhood memories begin, with the new house. I was eight years old, but I have no clear memories of any time before then. While my mom and I fellowshipped that weekend, we cried and we worked through our feelings and we found closure. She even promised me—promised the hurting little girl in me—that I would never have to go to that house again. Never. I am safe.

Psalm 91:1-2 has always been a favorite promise of mine. It says, “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust’” (NIV). Yes, now I can rest in the safety of my God. I can trust Him. I can go to the grocery store and not be afraid because He is my refuge.

How about you? Is there some phobia that seems strange and unbelievable, yet is holding you back in life? Do not fear; instead, rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Just His shadow is enough to help you make it through your trying time! Then you, too, can say with confidence, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Come with me. Let’s rest in His shadow. Let’s move away from that phobia and live free from fear because we can trust God to help us. Let’s dwell with Him in His shelter today.

Blessings – Lisa

He Is Sufficient, I Need to Forgive

Posted on by under Bitterness, Counseling, Forgiveness, Uncategorized

My personal battle with bitterness was not won in a day. Even as I relied on 2 Corinthians 12:9, “‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me” (NAS), I felt so weak in this area. Those black places in my heart that God wanted to clean up were still so very black. And God knew what was deep inside of me, beyond the victories I had had in my life. I had forgiven two people who had wronged me, and another situation was turning around, but God knew that there was one more person I needed to forgive.

God knew about my horrible feelings toward this man who had caused so much hidden pain in my life and in the lives of my loved ones. So for a couple of weeks, God constantly reminded me of this person, and my feelings on every occasion were far from Christian. When his name came up in conversation, I felt angry. When his name appeared on a memorial, I felt betrayed. When I saw “his pew” in the church sanctuary, I was filled with bitterness. This person was gone–deceased–and I would never have to see him again, and yet his presence was thrown into my face again and again. Isn’t that just like God?

I told my counselor the same thing I had told myself, that I could not forgive or forget the horrific things this person had done. As I struggled with this dilemma, I started having meltdowns and nightmares again. I was back in bondage. I had to keep reminding myself that His Grace is sufficient. I heard a sermon once that phrased that promise like this: “Sufficient for you is the Grace of Me.” I tried to claim that sufficiency in my life, but I couldn’t let go of my hostility toward this man. The harm and hurt and pain were so deep.

O God, I need Your help!

I had come to my weakest point. That Sunday, my husband and I attended church in another town, and God gave the preacher a sermon topic just for me. Can you guess? Bitterness. I knew I had better pay attention to that message! Interestingly, the Scripture lesson was Ecclesiastes 7:21-22. “Also, do not take seriously all words which are spoken, lest you hear your servant cursing you. For you also have realized that you likewise have many times cursed others” (NAS). That morning, the pastor preached a powerful sermon about forgiving and moving on. As those verses state, everyone hurts others at times. No one is without fault. The preacher urged me to extend grace to others.

The very next day, I read my online Bible study devotional blog, and the topic of the day was “Taking Steps Toward Forgiveness.” Oh, how my heart was challenged. I knew that God was my Sufficiency. I knew that He alone could help me extend grace in this situation. I knew that I had to forgive this person who had caused such horrible pain. I couldn’t confront him face to face, but I needed some way to express my feelings toward him. My counselor again suggested that I pour all of my hurts, bitterness, anger, and frustration–and forgiveness–into a letter. I resisted as long as I could, but finally one day I gave in and wrote that letter. Let me tell you, that was a heart-wrenching day for me. I wept all day long as I composed the lines, and remembering that day makes me want to cry even now. But I released the pain. I wrestled with those hurts, penned them on paper, and gave them to God. When I finished the letter, I dated it and stored it away so that Satan would have no ammunition to taunt me.

What release and freedom I felt. My counselor even remarked about the difference she saw in my life after I wrote that letter. I let go of the person who had caused so much grief and sorrow in my life, and I was so much happier for it. For you see, when I am weak, He is Sufficient.

Is there someone in your life, someone you will never see again, who hurt or molested you? Though the pain may be horrible when you think about your abuser, you can still extend forgiveness and grace to that person. You MUST extend forgiveness and grace to that person. I am here to tell you that you can do it. As much as you may want that person to show remorse and admit guilt, he or she is gone and will never repent or express sorrow for what happened. Dear One, for your own heart and soul and peace of mind, please put that desire aside. Instead, offer your forgiveness and mercy. Allow God to erase those black places in your heart and free you from this enemy who is in the grave.

God is Sufficient. He alone knows what the future holds, and He wants you to live victoriously today. Then one day you, too, can boast of His Sufficiency to another hurting, hopeless, defeated child of God, someone else who is weak and needs to know that “Sufficient for You is the Grace of Me.”

Blessings – Lisa

Get Rid of Bitterness

Posted on by under Bitterness, Counseling, depression, disassociation, Uncategorized

Last week I wrote about God’s taking away from a believer so that He can replace old things with new things. In counseling, I discovered that the idea of taking away old ways of thinking and responding is huge for anyone who is searching for freedom. On of the things in my life that I had to overcome and take away was the enormous number of negative thoughts that constantly filled my brain. My counselor encouraged me to write down those negative thoughts and then to deal with them one by one.

I found that my thoughts were bitter, angry, fearful, and condemning. Only through God’s grace was I able to start taking these thoughts away from my life. In particular, I had bitter feelings toward some people who were very close to me, and those bitter feelings began to hurt my life. At one time, I actually wanted those people to hurt, to feel pain, not to have good things in their lives, and for bad things to happen to them. I was so far from what God commands us to be toward others.

Hebrews 12:14-15 puts it this way: “Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled” (NAS). As I read my journal, I realized how bitterness was beginning to dominate my life. I did not want the best for these individuals; instead, I wanted them to be in pain just as I was in pain. I knew that eventually, if I continued down this path, I would start acting out that bitterness and defile others, as Hebrews says.

So, as God began to take away my bitterness toward certain people, what did He give me instead? For one person, God gave me compassion and love. I had to believe that God loves this person more than I ever could and that He can take care of her. It was very hard, but I prayed daily for the strength to love that person as I should.

For another person, God gave forgiveness. I had to forgive the hurt that this person had inflicted upon my family. I wrote a letter of forgiveness and dated it so that Satan could no longer taunt me. The letter was not meant to be sent, but it was meant for me to release that person.

For another, God helped me set some boundaries. Because I had been abused as a child, I had often allowed people to run over me and dominate me. I had no power to make my own decisions, no real control over my own life. But, with God’s help, I began to set boundaries so that I could find freedom as a whole person.

Looking back, I can now see how God’s taking away changed my own inner life. I now have more love and compassion. I am able to forgive, and to set those boundaries that I need to function. If I had not gone through this horrible time in my life–the time of all God’s taking-aways–I would not have grown in these areas. I would have only continued in my bitterness and ruined my life as well as the lives of those around me.

My questions for you are these: Are you holding bitterness in your life? Are you bitter toward God for the life He has handed you? Are there people in your life who have harmed you, for whom you only want bad things? What about your abuser? Can you let go of your bitterness toward that person? Please allow God to help you with your bitterness. Working on the issue of bitterness is hard, but here is a promise for you to hold on to. “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness; (2 Corinthians 12:9a, NAS).

God’s grace is sufficient as you let go of the bitterness you are holding in your heart. It will not be an easy taking-away, but it is a matter of choice. I have been so weak but God promised that, if I cry out to Him in this weakness, He will honor my plea and help me. So, give it up! Give up your bitterness, for, instead, there are love and compassion, forgiveness and freedom. Do not delay. Do it now. Get on your knees, give it up, and do it today.

Blessings – Lisa