PAIN

I have not shared anything in a long while but for some reason I just couldn’t make myself write. Once I got the blog up and running I felt afraid to actually write something! After more counseling and more healing I think I can start sharing. So here it goes!

Pain – no one likes to deal with it and I am no exception. People use food, drugs, alcohol, recreation, or whatever else to numb the pain in their lives. The way that I numbed the pain was by forgetting it ever happened. The abused child in me chose to forget the memory of my molestation completely and stuffed it away into the farthest corner of my being. I lived for years and years with all that pain locked up inside me. What I did not realize at the time, though, was that the pain had taken command of my life in so many ways. The pain had a life of its own, and it wanted to come out into the open and confront me. The pain dared me to meet it face-to-face. Instead, I stuffed it away again and numbed myself to any and all feelings.

But the pain continued to affect my marriage and the rearing of my children. It nurtured my choosing some harmful codependent relationships. It made me try to be perfect in my housekeeping, as well as in everything that I did. I had to do, do, do all the time, because if I stopped doing then the pain might resurface and I would have to deal with it. The pain effectively became a living creature inside me, a monster with its own life and its own agenda. It wanted to kill me. Eventually, my life became a train wreck and I entered a deep depression.

For me, that depression was my wake-up call that I needed help. And I started going to counseling. I am so glad that I did!

I think this is a good place to stop. I could probably write for hours upon hours but instead I am going to stop and pick up my story next time I blog. The thought that I want to leave with you is this, if you are in pain, do not numb it because it will find a way to live a life of its own. Work through it. Get help. Share with a trusted friend or counselor.

Blessings – Lisa

5 thoughts on “PAIN

  1. Your words remind me of the story of Joseph and his brothers in the Bible. Joseph told them that what they had planned for evil (selling him into slavery) God used for good (putting him in a powerful position in Egypt to be able to help his family). What you personally endured was horrendous and unspeakable. But God is using that evil that occurred for good. Sharing what you have been through is not only healing for you, but it encourages others who have experienced or are experienced similar situations. So proud of you for facing the pain and staring it down!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so proud of you for having the courage to share this not only as a way to help yourself heal but also others! You are a dear friend!
    Love you!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s