Category Archives: Uncategorized

Friends – We Need Them!

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I experienced victories as I purged Dumb, Stupid, and Ugly, bitterness, and an unforgiving heart from my life. But as those enemies disappeared, others jumped in and took control of my mind. In particular, I developed an intense phobia of going to the grocery store. Can you imagine not being able to shop for food for your family? Through the years, I had never enjoyed going to the grocery store by myself, but as a mom I had always conveniently had a child to go with me. So I was never really alone as I shopped. But now, my children were all grown and gone, and my husband was working in another city, and there was no one to go with me to the store.

So I just did not go. It was just impossible for me to go into the grocery store. Luckily, I could lunch with friends, and when my husband was home he would pick up a few things for us. But that could not go on forever. One day, I found that the only thing left in the pantry was tuna. For days, I ate only tuna, straight out of the can. I knew I needed to replenish my pantry and freezer, but I just could not make myself go. I became depressed. I reached my lowest point when the day came that I opened my refrigerator and my freezer and realized that there was literally no food in either place.

I knew that I needed help. I made up my mind to write a grocery list and go shopping. First, though, I decided to make up menus for each day of the week to help me with my list. I made headings: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Monday? Check. Tuesday? Check. And that’s where I stopped. The other days of the week remained blank. I looked at my totally empty refrigerator and freezer, and they looked back at me. I even took a picture of that emptiness with my phone. I wanted to tell someone, but I was afraid. Finally, I did show someone the picture of my empty refrigerator, and her unsympathetic response was, “Good grief.” I felt so ashamed and just wanted to run away.

I desperately wanted and needed to go to the grocery store, and I just couldn’t understand why it was such a difficult thing for me. So I told another friend. Thankfully, this friend came straight to my house, scooped me up, and took me to the store. It was not a pretty sight. I could not go into the store. My friend let me sit in her car and cry for a little while. Finally, we got out of the car and walked toward the entrance. But I had to stop and cry some more. I was so ashamed, so embarrassed. Luckily, my friend did not care how much I cried. She just waited and encouraged me and gradually drew me into the store. We walked up and down the aisles—and she pretended that she needed some groceries, too—and I collected a few items to help me make it until the end of the week. It was difficult, but I survived the ordeal and discovered that I was enjoying being out with my friend. She was and still is a true friend, a safe friend who will never give away my shameful secret or treat me as if I were crazy.

This friend acted out Ecclesiastes 4:9-10: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!” (NIV). My counseling, my phobias, my struggles, and my past were not things that I wanted to share with anyone. I felt ashamed and weird, but at last I realized that the enemy was trying to keep me isolated and defeated. I really needed someone to “help me up,” and God sent me someone to help.

Are you struggling with something that you are ashamed for your friends to discover? Is there something with which you need help but you are too afraid to ask for it? Sexual abuse and its effects are certainly private issues, but there are times when we need someone to help us. Sharing your problems with another person is a risk, but it is a risk worth taking. Remember, God tells us in His word that “two are better than one.” Pray, and ask God to send someone into your life to help you in your time of need. He will do it. Believe. Take the risk. Allow someone to take your hand because someday God may call on you to be the helping hand for another.

Friends—we all need them.

Blessings – Lisa

A Time For Rest

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My next assignment on my journey to wholeness was to read the book The Wounded Heart by Dr. Dan B. Allender which deals with childhood sexual abuse and the need to work through the pain, no matter what it takes to find healing. As I started reading, a passage spoke to me. It talked about honoring God and that the best way to honor God was to choose to change. I wanted to change, because I wanted to honor God and what He has planned for my life.

At this time I also added a new verse to the list that I wrote in my journal every day. Hebrews 4:16 says, “Let us therefore draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and may find grace to help in time of need” (NAS). I knew that I was going to have to find grace and mercy in my time of need as I read further in the book.

As I read further, I came across the revelation that God is committed to my complete healing and, because He is, He can use any situation or hard time I have endured in His wisdom to bring great joy and fulfillment to my life. When I read that passage, I prayed then and there for God to use all that had happened to me so that I could find that fulfillment and joy.

But I still struggled with repressed memories of what had happened to me, so how could God use “all that had happened” if I could not remember it all myself? Why couldn’t I remember everything from my childhood? During the next few days after making the decision to let God use “everything that is me” for His divine purpose, I started experiencing a sick stomach, throbbing pains, tears, and fear. I became afraid of the dark, always feeling as if someone were coming to get me. I began to dream troubling dreams.

Every day, I wrote in my journal the phrases that God had given me. Over and over again I would write that I am fearfully and wonderfully made, that I can find grace and mercy in time of need, that I am free from any condemning charges against me.

Still, I experienced anxiety attacks over the simplest things, and I began to binge-eat. And again I started obsessing about a certain person who had hurt me. I kept waiting for those repressed memories from my childhood to come forth—for God to use in my healing—but they never came. My counselor encouraged me to pray for the Lord to give me pleasant dreams instead of haunting nightmares. I was skeptical, but I did it, and God answered my prayer. This prayer was an example of my drawing near to God with confidence as He promises in Hebrews. I prayed, and my bad dreams stopped.

For whatever reason, even though I wanted to recall those repressed memories, the time was not right for that to happen. Instead, God helped me in other ways. Looking back in my journal, I see three specific things that God did to help me through this difficult time.

The first thing that God showed me was that, if I am free from condemning charges, then I must stop condemning others, particularly the “problem person” who was plaguing me so. Wow! I had to confess my sin and give that person over to God. Then God reminded me of how he had used friends and strangers to encourage me. On two different occasions recorded in my journal, friends just texted me out of the blue to offer words of kindness, not knowing how badly I needed to receive them. And a phone call from a total stranger had miraculously and unexpectedly brightened a particularly dark day. The third thing that I realized was that I do have the power to control my eating. God had already given me the authority not to binge-eat, gain weight, and despise myself for it. For you see, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. With confidence I knelt before the throne of God and asked and received His strength to overcome this situation.

My word of encouragement to you today is for you to honor God and surrender your life so that He can work in His way, in His time to bring you joy and fulfillment. I wanted so badly to remember those repressed memories so that I could move on, but instead He used this time to show me other things that needed to come first. Maybe tomorrow will be my day of remembering, but today I am going to rest in Him and believe that He is working for my best interests.

What about you? Are you trying to rush what God has for your healing? Are you being impatient, wanting it to be done now? That’s how I was, but now I am going to rest in His grace and mercy. Come sit with me. Let’s just rest today and gather strength for the hard work that still lies ahead of us. He knows best.
Blessings – Lisa

I Am New – But I’m Still Fighting The Battle To Be Free

Posted on by under depression, Hope, Uncategorized

Last week I shared with you about my victory when I was made new by God after I missed an important trip with my husband because I felt unlovable. God gave me the promises of being new, cherished, loved, acceptable, and worthy. I wanted and needed to cling to those promises as I dealt with a new phase in my healing process, but the enemy would not give me up so easily.

The next day—and I mean the very next day after my spiritual high—I started feeling bad again. The enemy reminded me of all the other times that I had ruined trips or other opportunities to spend time with my husband. The battle raged all day, but I kept reminding myself of those three fundamental truths that I had written over and over again in my journal: I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I am complete in Christ, and I will one day be perfected as His good work. At the end of that day, I went to bed exhausted, and that was when the enemy came at me again in a different way.

That night I had nightmares. I rarely remember my dreams, except for the bad ones, and before that night I had not recalled a dream in a long time. But that night was different. Even now I have vivid, disturbing memories of those nightmares. I dreamed of being raped and then not believed, I dreamed of being chased by people who were out to get me, I dreamed that others were trying to hurt me. Suddenly I was thrashing about in dark, murky waters, struggling to keep my head above water. It was horrible.

My past, that I had repressed and denied for so long, wanted to come forth and condemn me. The enemy wanted me to believe that I still deserved to suffer, even though God have given me His promises, and that I would never be a whole person again. He wanted me to believe that I would never be able to enjoy traveling with my husband. Once more, I asked God for a verse, for reassurance from His Word to help me combat this new attack. And it came from Romans 8:1-2, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death” (NAS).

Do you see that? “There is therefore now no condemnation.” Even when my dreams were trying to defeat me and cause me to lose hope, Christ Jesus is bigger than that assault. He can set me free from eternal death. Surely He can also set me free from what was done to me in the past. Surely He can do that. Yes, He can. And I am going to choose to believe it today. I know that I still have a journey filled with battles ahead of me, but I choose to believe that I can overcome those obstacles, too.

Has the enemy been trying to convince you that you are no good? Does he remind you of your mistakes and hurts from the past to try to build his case against you? Well, good news! There is no condemnation against you if you are in Christ Jesus. The enemy may try to attack you in your dreams as he tried to attack me, but we are not going to allow him to win even there. He is not going to win this battle because we are free, free in Christ, and we are going to walk with hope. It is hard, but it can be done. Believe, and be free.

Blessings – Lisa

 

I Am New

Posted on by under depression, Hope, Hopelessness, Uncategorized

In Christ alone we can all be made new. For some of us, the transformation seems to come so easily. But for others of us, God uses hurtful, heart-wrenching times of struggle to speak to our lives. I find myself in the second category. I have believed and loved God’s Word since I was a child, but some of the concepts and promises of the Bible were just words on paper to me. I believed them, but they weren’t ingrained in my heart yet.

Oh, how much God loves us and works in our lives to bring us closer to him. Once, I had a chance to go on a trip to a city that I had never visited before—Chicago. This was a trip that I could have gone on with my dear, sweet husband. It would have been a great time, but I chose not to go. I chose not to go because I felt unlovable. You see, my sexual abuse not only affected how I felt about myself, but it was also affecting my relationship with my husband. I had shut down emotionally. I did not want to feel this way, but my emotional withdrawal had such a devastating stronghold on my life.

So I stayed home, and he went alone on this trip to a new and exciting place. I was home alone because I hated myself. I started feeling trapped and cheated. In fact, I started hating myself even more. My journal became filled with entries of how much I hated myself. I detested the way I felt, but I couldn’t find any relief or an answer. One of my journal entries ended with the passage, “I hate being defective.” You see, that is how I felt about myself. I was defective, I was not whole, I was not normal, I would never be free again, I was trapped. How those thoughts plagued me over and over.

I wept and wept. I called my husband and begged for forgiveness, and I wept some more. The pain just would not leave me. Later that night, lying on the couch alone, in the stillness and quiet of my empty house, I begged God for a word. Once again, God spoke to me and encouraged me. How thankful I am for His Patience and Love for me! As before, He used a song to speak to me. In his song “I Am New,” Jason Gray writes about living in the “shadows of shame” and not believing that there is a possibility of ever being able to change. That is exactly how I felt, as if this shamefulness was going to be my companion forever. Then in the lyrics I discovered a very important word: the word BUT. But God does not see me as I see myself!

Oh, what joy to know that God does not see me the way that I see myself. God sees me in a different way because He sees me as a new creation in Christ, accepted by Him even when I can not accept myself.  One day I am going to be totally made brand new. But in reality I don’t have to wait. I can claim all of those promises now. Oh, how I needed to know that. How I desperately needed to claim all those promises in my heart, and to rest in that assurance. Thank you again, God, for reminding me of who I am in you.

2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (NIV). Are you feeling defective? Do you feel as if the ick inside of you will never completely leave you? Do you ever just hate who you are? Have you ever sabotaged your life because you felt unloved? Here are the promises I have for you: You are forgiven, you are Beloved, you are made in the Image of Christ Himself, you are Righteous and Holy, you are Reborn and Remade, you are Accepted and Worthy, and you are all of those things NOW. Let’s ingrain those truths in our hearts today. And let’s remember how God sees us when He looks at us—new, loved, and remade.

Blessings – Lisa

The Secret to Forgiveness

Posted on by under Forgiveness, Uncategorized

God always knows what’s really going on inside my heart. For example, I was feeling pretty good about my life after dealing with a particularly hard-to-forgive person. With God’s help, I had let go of my bitterness toward him, completely forgiving him the wrongs he had done to my family and me. I thought I had this forgiveness business under control. After all, I had just done some heavy-duty forgiving, hadn’t I? I was following what I understood the Bible to say about forgiving, and I felt pretty good about what I had accomplished.

However, there was still another person, another relationship, that I was having issues with. I was having issues with her because, instead of dealing with my feelings, I had been stuffing my emotions away and deadening my heart concerning her. Now, let me assure you, that is definitely not the correct way to deal with issues of anger. After some time stuffing away the pain of the relationship and trying not even to think about it, I realized that God had determined that the time had finally come to address my anger. Let me tell you, when at last my anger toward this loved one came, it came with a vengeance.

I had lost hope and depression gripped my life. I needed to give up my anger, but it had such a horrible stronghold on me. I started waking up every day obsessing about this particular situation. It was controlling me. I began to understand that I could not move on with my healing of my past until I had faced and resolved this specific pain. This was so hard. Hadn’t I just had the victory of forgiving another who had caused deep pain in my life? Why was this new situation different? Then it hit me. The person I had forgiven was dead and gone, and I no longer had to face him on this earth. But the situation that God wanted me to deal with now was ever-present and not one that would go away any time soon.

One day, as I sat on my couch at home, I asked God to help me with this pain. Why God? Oh, God, I cannot do this on my own. I knew what I needed to do to resolve this problem, but I didn’t seem to have the strength to do it. On this particular morning, as I reached out for God’s help, there were roofers hammering away above my head, and it was then that God spoke to me. He whispered to me in the midst of all that noise that I needed to strip away all the old, damaged, broken shingles of hurt that covered my life concerning this situation. I needed to strip those hurts away and replace them with new feelings and with the Truth so that I could be free. It was my choice. Only I could make that decision. Only I could choose whether or not to forgive. Even though I would face the situation daily, I had to believe that I could release the anger and forgive.

So, I made the choice to do that very thing. I had to forgive, I had to be free, and I had to release the situation to God. I wept and cried as if a dam had burst open. I released the anger and gave my unforgiveness to God. Then, what peace God gave me. Oh, the joy of forgiveness! Once I had made that decision, I was able to trust God to help me. That is the secret to forgiveness. I must make the choice to forgive, and then God moves in to strengthen and to heal.

Is there some situation in your life that you need to forgive? Are you walking along, confident and proud of all the “good” things you have done, but secretly hiding anger and an unforgiving spirit in the deepest corner of your heart? Do not stuff it away. Do not let it lie there dormant. Do not delay to deal with it. I beg you, do not become dead inside concerning that situation. Give it to God, and He will give you peace. He will help you with your unforgiveness.

Psalm 130: 1-4 says, “Out of the depths I have cried to Thee, O LORD. LORD, hear my voice! Let Thine ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications. If Thou, LORD, shouldst mark iniquities, O LORD, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with Thee, that Thou mayest be feared” (NAS). Make the choice to forgive, and God will be there in an instant. Cry out to Him, for His ears are attentive to your voice. He is waiting for your supplication. Oh, Friend, cry out to Him now for He has forgiven you. Remember, we must forgive not only those whom we seldom or never see but also those whom we must face daily. Daily forgiving, daily crying out to God for strength, daily resting in His forgiveness—let’s choose to believe that we can strip away those old feelings and that new ones will one day reign in our hearts. Oh, I believe! How about you?

Blessings – Lisa

What Kind of Legacy Will You Have?

Posted on by under Forgiveness, Uncategorized

As I was cleaning out some of my cabinets one day in anticipation of a possible move, I came across a box that contained cards and newspaper clippings from the year that my children’s grandfathers had both died. Those two deaths, so close together, represent two separate legacies for my family and me. In life, one of the men was harsh and angry, and the other was pleasant and well-respected in the community. In death, however, the unexpected truth about these two men lives on.

My father, the man who had been so callous and angry for most of my life, changed dramatically before his death. I came to realize that he loved me very much, and I came to love him very deeply. At the end of his life, with God’s help, he and I made peace, and I was able to understand how much he meant to me. I was at his bedside when he took his final breath. I was there when he was ushered into the presence of God. Now, I have good thoughts about this man and my heart is at peace. Looking at the mementos of my father, stowed away for years in a cardboard box, I realized how much love he had for me. He had shown it in so many little ways, and I choose to reflect on those cherished memories.

To me, the box represented a chance for change, and a chance to make a difference. I rediscovered this box of mementos at the same time that I was trying to write a letter of forgiveness to another member of my family. This one letter is still the most difficult one that I have ever had to write. God, why did I have to find this box now? It had been three years since my father’s death, and the pain still felt as if he had died only the week before. How is this box going to help me write my letter?

It all came back to a word I had written in my journal: legacy. Legacy is defined as something that is handed down or remains from a previous generation or time. What was my legacy going to be concerning forgiveness? Were my children or grandchildren going to write that I had caused them grief and pain? I was so afraid that this was what would happen if I were to continue along the path of anger, unforgiveness, and bitterness on which I had found myself. No, I did not want to leave that legacy to my family. Instead, I wanted to follow what the Bible says in Ephesians 4:1-3, “I entreat you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance to one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (NAS).

I wanted to walk in a manner worthy and to walk in such a way that my life would end without regrets. God’s timing was providential, because the week following my rediscovery of the box proved to be one of great pain and distress as I labored to write my letter and forgive and move on. I had to keep remembering that I wanted to leave a legacy of love and peace, and not unforgiveness and bitterness.

Though death is supposed to be final, a person’s legacy—whether good or bad—lives on. Sadly, my children’s other grandfather did not have the same healing effect on me. On the contrary, he left a legacy of hurt and pain to my family. To the outside world, he was an upstanding, respectable man but, to my family, he brought only hidden grief and severe pain. As I looked at his cards and clippings on that day that I found the box, I wept and wept for all the secret pain and sadness and grief that they represented.

What about you? Are you finding it difficult to forgive? Is your anger out of control? Then just as the apostle Paul did, I am entreating you to walk in a manner worthy and to choose to forgive. There are some memories that we just have to let go of, and then there are some for which God grants us peace and reconciliation. No matter what happens in your life, you can still be diligent and do whatever it takes to walk in a manner worthy. Come with me. Let’s walk this path together, handing down forgiveness, love, and peace as our legacy to those who will come after us.

Blessings – Lisa

He Is Sufficient, I Need to Forgive

Posted on by under Bitterness, Counseling, Forgiveness, Uncategorized

My personal battle with bitterness was not won in a day. Even as I relied on 2 Corinthians 12:9, “‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me” (NAS), I felt so weak in this area. Those black places in my heart that God wanted to clean up were still so very black. And God knew what was deep inside of me, beyond the victories I had had in my life. I had forgiven two people who had wronged me, and another situation was turning around, but God knew that there was one more person I needed to forgive.

God knew about my horrible feelings toward this man who had caused so much hidden pain in my life and in the lives of my loved ones. So for a couple of weeks, God constantly reminded me of this person, and my feelings on every occasion were far from Christian. When his name came up in conversation, I felt angry. When his name appeared on a memorial, I felt betrayed. When I saw “his pew” in the church sanctuary, I was filled with bitterness. This person was gone–deceased–and I would never have to see him again, and yet his presence was thrown into my face again and again. Isn’t that just like God?

I told my counselor the same thing I had told myself, that I could not forgive or forget the horrific things this person had done. As I struggled with this dilemma, I started having meltdowns and nightmares again. I was back in bondage. I had to keep reminding myself that His Grace is sufficient. I heard a sermon once that phrased that promise like this: “Sufficient for you is the Grace of Me.” I tried to claim that sufficiency in my life, but I couldn’t let go of my hostility toward this man. The harm and hurt and pain were so deep.

O God, I need Your help!

I had come to my weakest point. That Sunday, my husband and I attended church in another town, and God gave the preacher a sermon topic just for me. Can you guess? Bitterness. I knew I had better pay attention to that message! Interestingly, the Scripture lesson was Ecclesiastes 7:21-22. “Also, do not take seriously all words which are spoken, lest you hear your servant cursing you. For you also have realized that you likewise have many times cursed others” (NAS). That morning, the pastor preached a powerful sermon about forgiving and moving on. As those verses state, everyone hurts others at times. No one is without fault. The preacher urged me to extend grace to others.

The very next day, I read my online Bible study devotional blog, and the topic of the day was “Taking Steps Toward Forgiveness.” Oh, how my heart was challenged. I knew that God was my Sufficiency. I knew that He alone could help me extend grace in this situation. I knew that I had to forgive this person who had caused such horrible pain. I couldn’t confront him face to face, but I needed some way to express my feelings toward him. My counselor again suggested that I pour all of my hurts, bitterness, anger, and frustration–and forgiveness–into a letter. I resisted as long as I could, but finally one day I gave in and wrote that letter. Let me tell you, that was a heart-wrenching day for me. I wept all day long as I composed the lines, and remembering that day makes me want to cry even now. But I released the pain. I wrestled with those hurts, penned them on paper, and gave them to God. When I finished the letter, I dated it and stored it away so that Satan would have no ammunition to taunt me.

What release and freedom I felt. My counselor even remarked about the difference she saw in my life after I wrote that letter. I let go of the person who had caused so much grief and sorrow in my life, and I was so much happier for it. For you see, when I am weak, He is Sufficient.

Is there someone in your life, someone you will never see again, who hurt or molested you? Though the pain may be horrible when you think about your abuser, you can still extend forgiveness and grace to that person. You MUST extend forgiveness and grace to that person. I am here to tell you that you can do it. As much as you may want that person to show remorse and admit guilt, he or she is gone and will never repent or express sorrow for what happened. Dear One, for your own heart and soul and peace of mind, please put that desire aside. Instead, offer your forgiveness and mercy. Allow God to erase those black places in your heart and free you from this enemy who is in the grave.

God is Sufficient. He alone knows what the future holds, and He wants you to live victoriously today. Then one day you, too, can boast of His Sufficiency to another hurting, hopeless, defeated child of God, someone else who is weak and needs to know that “Sufficient for You is the Grace of Me.”

Blessings – Lisa

Get Rid of Bitterness

Posted on by under Bitterness, Counseling, depression, disassociation, Uncategorized

Last week I wrote about God’s taking away from a believer so that He can replace old things with new things. In counseling, I discovered that the idea of taking away old ways of thinking and responding is huge for anyone who is searching for freedom. On of the things in my life that I had to overcome and take away was the enormous number of negative thoughts that constantly filled my brain. My counselor encouraged me to write down those negative thoughts and then to deal with them one by one.

I found that my thoughts were bitter, angry, fearful, and condemning. Only through God’s grace was I able to start taking these thoughts away from my life. In particular, I had bitter feelings toward some people who were very close to me, and those bitter feelings began to hurt my life. At one time, I actually wanted those people to hurt, to feel pain, not to have good things in their lives, and for bad things to happen to them. I was so far from what God commands us to be toward others.

Hebrews 12:14-15 puts it this way: “Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled” (NAS). As I read my journal, I realized how bitterness was beginning to dominate my life. I did not want the best for these individuals; instead, I wanted them to be in pain just as I was in pain. I knew that eventually, if I continued down this path, I would start acting out that bitterness and defile others, as Hebrews says.

So, as God began to take away my bitterness toward certain people, what did He give me instead? For one person, God gave me compassion and love. I had to believe that God loves this person more than I ever could and that He can take care of her. It was very hard, but I prayed daily for the strength to love that person as I should.

For another person, God gave forgiveness. I had to forgive the hurt that this person had inflicted upon my family. I wrote a letter of forgiveness and dated it so that Satan could no longer taunt me. The letter was not meant to be sent, but it was meant for me to release that person.

For another, God helped me set some boundaries. Because I had been abused as a child, I had often allowed people to run over me and dominate me. I had no power to make my own decisions, no real control over my own life. But, with God’s help, I began to set boundaries so that I could find freedom as a whole person.

Looking back, I can now see how God’s taking away changed my own inner life. I now have more love and compassion. I am able to forgive, and to set those boundaries that I need to function. If I had not gone through this horrible time in my life–the time of all God’s taking-aways–I would not have grown in these areas. I would have only continued in my bitterness and ruined my life as well as the lives of those around me.

My questions for you are these: Are you holding bitterness in your life? Are you bitter toward God for the life He has handed you? Are there people in your life who have harmed you, for whom you only want bad things? What about your abuser? Can you let go of your bitterness toward that person? Please allow God to help you with your bitterness. Working on the issue of bitterness is hard, but here is a promise for you to hold on to. “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness; (2 Corinthians 12:9a, NAS).

God’s grace is sufficient as you let go of the bitterness you are holding in your heart. It will not be an easy taking-away, but it is a matter of choice. I have been so weak but God promised that, if I cry out to Him in this weakness, He will honor my plea and help me. So, give it up! Give up your bitterness, for, instead, there are love and compassion, forgiveness and freedom. Do not delay. Do it now. Get on your knees, give it up, and do it today.

Blessings – Lisa

 

Life on the Other Side

Posted on by under Counseling, depression, disassociation, Faithfulness, Hope, Hopelessness, Uncategorized

My life took a new direction when my anger and other negative emotions began to come out into the open. I began having a hard time dealing with everyday activities. I cried a lot and had trouble making decisions. New phobias appeared, to take the place of the ones God had removed from my life. I started retreating from life. I gave up most activities and resigned from my positions at church. But I turned to my counselor, and she gave me permission to give myself some space.

Other traumas were happening in my life at the same time, and the combination of them all was just too much for me to handle. I’m not saying that going to counseling means locking yourself up in your house, but everyone has her own path to walk for healing. For me personally, I had to step down from some leadership positions because I was not capable of performing them at that time. People at church started noticing that I was different, even though I thought I looked and acted the same as always. People could tell. Thankfully, my “safe” friends loved and encouraged me through it all without having to know what was going on. I needed this time apart to heal and to learn the truth so God could transform my life.

Different books and devotions ministered to me mightily during this dark time. One devotion in particular centered on a time of taking away. That is, God takes something away for a time so that He can give something new instead. In my own life, my daughter was growing away from me, my husband had a new job in another city, and my job had been taken away from me. We were putting our house on the market because we were going to move away from our loved and cherished town and I was removing myself from the jobs at church that I had treasured for so long. Wow. That was a lot of taking-aways. No wonder I could not function: I was on overload.

Where is this leading, Oh God? I cannot see what You are trying to do in my life. Please show me!

Then God gave me a book that painted a great picture for me. That book is Malchus by W. G. Griffiths. Through it, God revealed the hopelessness of the onlookers at the crucifixion, the despair they felt because at that time they did not know the TRUTH. They did not know that they were being set free. They saw one side of the cross, and they thought that that was the end of it. They could not even imagine what was on the other side.

All of my takings-aways had brought me great despair, but the truth was that God was using all of those things to change my heart. He was using those things to heal me. In John 10:10 Jesus says, “The thief comes only to steal, and kill and destroy; I came that they might have life, and might have it abundantly” (NAS). God did not kill, steal, or destroy any of those things that He took away from me. He was taking away so that He could replace all those things, fill my life so that I could live more abundantly. I had been just like those who looked at the cross and saw only hopelessness and despair. But, Oh, how their lives were changed when they learned the TRUTH. On the other side of the cross came the resurrection and new life–a more abundant and free life.

Has God taken something away from you, and you are spiraling down in despair? Do you see only hopelessness and agony? Are you having trouble just going through the motions of life because it is filled with so much pain? I am here to tell you this: There is a more abundant life awaiting you on the other side of this painful time. Jesus Christ gave His life for you because He wants you to have a free, victorious, and abundant life. Let God have His way as He takes away and gives. Believe the TRUTH. Believe that you can be whole. Believe that one day life will be good and you will be able to smile again. There is life on the other side. And it is good. I am believing it.

Blessings – Lisa

Happy Thoughts and a Great Reward

Posted on by under Anger, Cats, Counseling, depression, disassociation, Happy Thoughts, Uncategorized

Today I awoke feeling as if I should write about happy thoughts. But somewhere along the way I got busy, busy, busy trying to get ready for a trip. I’ve been too distracted to focus on any one thing and haven’t gotten anything accomplished. Finally God spoke to my heart and said, “Enough is enough. I want you to stop now and write. You will be ready for your trip when the time comes, but I want you to write this now.”

So, here I am, sitting and waiting to hear from God what He wants me to write. Happy thoughts? I ask myself to recall some of the good things that have happened during this journey from depression into freedom. And, as I look out the door this morning, I see one of the gifts that God has brought me. He brought two cats into my life. They literally just showed up out of nowhere. You may not think that there’s anything extraordinary about that, but they have become very special to me.

All of my life I have been highly allergic to cats. If I were in the same room with one I would have an attack of some sort and then have to leave the premises. But God, in His infinite wisdom, brought me two cats that live outside. I pet them and hold them, but I have never had an allergy attack. They have brought such comfort to me, especially during the days when everyone in my family would be gone and I felt so alone. The cats never cared if I cried; they just sat in my lap and purred. My husband and daughter thought I had gone loony when the cats showed up, but I know that God brought them to me. I cannot imagine life without them now.

Another happy thought that God has brought back into my mind has to do with music. Looking at my journal, I am reminded of all the times that God gave me just the right song at just the right time on just the right occasion. One song in particular would come on the radio for me to hear on some of my darkest days. Once, when I really needed encouragement, I heard that song twice in just a few hours, on two different radio stations. My amazing God orchestrated that for me.

At certain points in my life, a few particular songs held bad associations for me, reminders of a very hurtful time that caused deep pain that I feared would never be resolved. But the happiest thought I have today is how God has taken away my hatred for those songs. There was a time when just hearing those songs made me angry and I would have to turn off the radio, but now I am able to appreciate them again.

My intense hatred for those songs and the anger they stirred inside me had really surprised me. But the Enemy can use anything to cause hurt and pain and agony. (There are other noises that still bother me today, noises that I associate with my molestation. I have learned that certain smells, colors, or images can trigger memories and bring on a violent reaction.) But with God’s help, there has been forgiveness and resolution of that hurtful situation, and that relationship has been transformed and made new. So today, as I rushed around trying to pack for my trip and get the house in order, I heard one of the songs that had had such a negative connotation for me. I stopped in my tracks. When I heard that song, I was amazed. I no longer felt the pain and the agony, but was able to enjoy that song once again.

Oh, what a happy thought! What a joy! It was as if God were saying to me, “Yes, this difficult situation has had healing and, yes, you can have a song in your heart once more.” Isn’t that a wondrous thing?

Is there something in your life that the Enemy is using to cause you grief and agony? Let me share Hebrews 10:35-36 with you today: “Therefore, do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised” (NAS). You see I had to endure and work through my situation. Don’t throw away the confidence concerning your own situation.

Do the will of God, work hard, and believe that God can take any noise, any color, any smell, or any song and turn it into a happy thought. His Word calls it a great reward, a promise from God Himself. He wants you to sing a song in your heart and be free from hurting, pain, and agony. Sit with me now, and let’s think about the happy things that God has brought into our lives. Be still. Listen. He wants to whisper those happy thoughts to you right now.

Blessings – Lisa