Pain, what does a person need to do with deep emotional pain? The pain in my life needed to be dealt with or I was going to sink into a pit that I would never be able to climb out of.  I realized that I could not get better by myself. Counseling was my first action and then I had to find some friends to share my story with. But, at the same time, I did not want anybody to know what was going on in my life. Oh, how difficult that was! I did not want to feel the pain and horror of my past. I still did not want to think about it. The pain had become some kind of horrible monster that I felt would defeat me.

But then I had to rest in the truth, and the truth is this: “I am free from any condemning charges against me.” Pain, that monster, cannot condemn or harm me ever again. Romans 8:31 says it this way: “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (NIV)

During this time, I started reading L.M. Montgomery’s Anne of Green Gables novels, and in Anne’s House of Dreams God showed me a great truth.

Taking it all out seems to have done away with it, somehow. It’s very strange – and I thought it so real and bitter. It’s like opening the door of a dark room to show some hideous creature you’ve believed to be there – and when the light streams in your monster turns out to have been just a shadow, vanishing when the light comes. It will never be between us again.

Oh, how that spoke to me. That pain, that monster that I had feared for years and years and stuffed away inside me became just a shadow when God’s Light shone forth to conquer it for all time.

My friend, you, too, can have that peace of mind. If you are experiencing pain in your heart as I did, let God’s Light and Truth shine in your heart and turn that monster of pain into nothing but a shadow. Maybe someday we could meet somewhere and be able to say, “Our pain will never be between us again.”

Blessings – Lisa

I have not shared anything in a long while but for some reason I just couldn’t make myself write. Once I got the blog up and running I felt afraid to actually write something! After more counseling and more healing I think I can start sharing. So here it goes!

Pain – no one likes to deal with it and I am no exception. People use food, drugs, alcohol, recreation, or whatever else to numb the pain in their lives. The way that I numbed the pain was by forgetting it ever happened. The abused child in me chose to forget the memory of my molestation completely and stuffed it away into the farthest corner of my being. I lived for years and years with all that pain locked up inside me. What I did not realize at the time, though, was that the pain had taken command of my life in so many ways. The pain had a life of its own, and it wanted to come out into the open and confront me. The pain dared me to meet it face-to-face. Instead, I stuffed it away again and numbed myself to any and all feelings.

But the pain continued to affect my marriage and the rearing of my children. It nurtured my choosing some harmful codependent relationships. It made me try to be perfect in my housekeeping, as well as in everything that I did. I had to do, do, do all the time, because if I stopped doing then the pain might resurface and I would have to deal with it. The pain effectively became a living creature inside me, a monster with its own life and its own agenda. It wanted to kill me. Eventually, my life became a train wreck and I entered a deep depression.

For me, that depression was my wake-up call that I needed help. And I started going to counseling. I am so glad that I did!

I think this is a good place to stop. I could probably write for hours upon hours but instead I am going to stop and pick up my story next time I blog. The thought that I want to leave with you is this, if you are in pain, do not numb it because it will find a way to live a life of its own. Work through it. Get help. Share with a trusted friend or counselor.

Blessings – Lisa